


They Always Do

by onlyhereforellick



Category: NCIS
Genre: F/M, Post ep 17x14 kind of, angst-ish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-06
Updated: 2020-02-06
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:02:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22590670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onlyhereforellick/pseuds/onlyhereforellick
Summary: I love you—I do—but I am afraid of making that love too important. Because you’re always going to leave me. We can’t deny it. You’re always going to leave.-David Levithan
Relationships: Ellie Bishop/Nick Torres
Comments: 12
Kudos: 61





	They Always Do

_Bishop, please._  
_You know, I’m so badass, I can catch guys from a hospital bed._

_Okay, Mr. Badass._  
_How about jumping out of the way of the car the next time it comes at you?_  
_Like I did._

_Don’t even._

_‘Cause you know I risked my life to save yours._

And therein lies the problem, didn’t it? He’d leave her without hesitation. Nick would take her pain and put it on him without a second thought. He would leave her.

Just like everyone else had.

Ellie wanted to let her guard down, wanted to let the walls she’d erected crumble. But how could she? How- when every other important man she’d loved, left?

Nick would only deny it—try to make light of it. She could hear him say it now, “ _Oh, please. I catch the bad guys before they catch me, Bishop_.” But to her- no, see to her, it was irrefutable. He’d leave her.

They always did.

Jake had once seemed like the perfect fit: soft-spoken just like her, bookish just like her, steady and stable- just what she envisioned her future to be.

Until he lied, cheated, and left.

His love was important to her, so naturally, he left. They always do.

Cement blocks went up around her heart haphazardly as she recovered, nothing of substance holding her together. She clung to the team, to what she could control. She walked away from love, Ellie was done.

Until Qasim...he’d wiggled his way through the cracks in the cement one goofy smile at a time. She felt herself falling, and thought to herself— _maybe, maybe this time will last_. Not all men can be as awful as Jake, right?

It was light, it was sweet, it was fun. Slowly Qasim managed to remove each cement block surrounding her jaded heart until she was bare for him. His love had been so crucial to her, a turning point in Ellie’s life. That she _could_ love, and _be_ loved.

Well, until it’s expiration date.

Because Qasim left, didn’t he? Yeah, it was selfish of her to think this way; he didn’t _choose_ to leave her- but that was semantics. When it came to love it was simple, she didn’t deserve it. Not when there’s hesitation at least—no one should be loved when they’re not all-in themselves. Why Ellie tried to deny the truth before, she may never understand. But she sure as hell wouldn’t be making that mistake again.

Ellie got out her brick and mortar and began building. Spending time on her foundation, ensuring it was the strongest she’d ever seen. There’d be no crevice, no chink, no crack. Her walls would be impenetrable—it was the only way to protect herself from the pure pain she knew she’d feel if she left herself love again.

Those walls took a beating when Clay died. Ellie had been closer to him than any of her three brothers. He may not have been blood, but the loss of his brotherly love was like taking a sledgehammer to her fortress. They may not have come crashing down, but Ellie could feel them weaken- a brick or two missing here and there.

Yet this time, this time she didn’t have the chance to rebuild. Like a Trojan horse, he waltzed right up to her and slowly dismantled her defense. Joke by joke, smirk by smirk—Nick took each brick down with care. The worst part? It was so subtle, so thoughtfully done, she didn’t even notice it was happening. Didn’t see her chest being pried open, beating heart on display for him to see, _and take_. Never realized her greatest defenses were missing until it was too late.

That love- precious, fragile, delicate love- had managed to grow again. In her desolate, cold heart, Nick managed to bring to life an emotion she had long given up on. An emotion she was too afraid to ever feel again. Because with it came agony.

They leave, and you’re abandoned- picking up the pieces of a shattered heart.

When you love, you lose. Always.

And Nick wouldn’t be any different...would he?

_‘Cause you know I risked my life to save yours._

Her mind was screaming silently, the reasons not to blaring like sirens in her head. The vulnerability she felt, so close to oozing out.

_But what if you leave like everyone else?_

It was on the tip of her tongue, begging- pleading to escape. Dying to show Nick her true fears. Her broken, patched-up heart aching to be put on full display.

She couldn’t though. This love can’t be important. It _can’t_ be. Because if it is... Ellie couldn’t bear to think of the consequences. She wasn’t allowed to love, that much she was sure.

Except a small voice in the back of her head whispered through that maybe..with the right person..she’d love, and he wouldn’t leave. Not only could she be loved, but that love would _stay_. 

It was that tiny voice that propelled her forward, its small but powerful persuasion that had her taking Nick’s hand in hers, its promised hope for the future that had her answering his earlier words without fear.

_I know_.


End file.
